How do I tell Madonna?

Welcome to my nightmare, folks. Now this is a real doozey.

I suppose the fact that I have no arms and no legs is a good start.

But that’s not the point of the story. The point of the story is that I have a very large, ‘appendage’. Yea, in crude terms, a very large dick. I mean not just very large but humongous, I mean ’Johnny ‘The Wad’ Holmes eat your heart out large.

Now in itself this wouldn’t mean much, I mean who needs a cripple in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs but a very large appendage? Yes, I know there are some sickos out there but I wouldn’t want to be associated with them.

But back to the point, the nightmare.

Now I know I’m revolting, I know that when I drive in to a room in my ‘people without arms and legs people mover’ normal people turn their heads, embarrassed I’m there, thanking God that I’m not their son.

Then, last week I went to a concert and Rhianna could not take her eyes off me. No, I mean it, she was slathering, sexually aroused, rubbing herself in excitement at my being there.

I couldn’t believe it but her sexual excitement was there for everyone to see.
She was looking at me and getting turned on.

So my nightmare is, how do I tell Madonna that I’m going to have to dump her?